If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
