so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
