I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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