ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
