I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
please come you make the beer taste better
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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