remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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