I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
