dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
