Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm both gender and math confused
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize