This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
