she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
