I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
