Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
All the doctor said was why
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
