I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
PANTIES FOUND
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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