I feel like abortions should bother me more
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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