"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
