I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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