I just saw a hot homeless man
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
