I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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