So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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