Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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