you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
