i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
