A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
