Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
he was CRYING into my vagina
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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