I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
