I want to stick my p in your. b.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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