i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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