she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
