party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Randomize
