why do cheetos always look like penises
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
