for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Everyone says I win the strip club
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
