this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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