I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
