Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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