Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
