Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
