he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
