I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
