she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
