We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
FUCK WHALES
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
