You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
