dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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