You smell like stripper and shame
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize