Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
