She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
