i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
