guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
