just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
