I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
