she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
