You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
