she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize