sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Randomize
