Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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