I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
