thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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