Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
