Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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