I cockslap morals
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
