im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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