So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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