Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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