I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
