Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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